the 3 most important lessons I’ve learned while being single

I really have tried to refrain from talking about relationships or anything of the sort because I’ll be the first to admit, my experiences have been – quite frankly – a mess. I remember going into a couple Valentine’s Days feeling bummed about not having anything/anyone to celebrate, but this year I am perfectly fine with buying myself some flowers and curling up with my pup, a glass of wine, and Netflix. I’m grateful for what I learned from past relationships, but this time of being single has been nothing short of refreshing.

With the relationships that have come and gone, especially in these last few years as I’ve transitioned into “adulthood” (quotation marks because I still don’t feel like an adult???) it’s just become so evident that I have spent so much time focusing on others in such a large capacity that I’ve hardly taken the time to get to know the person underneath it all – myself.

I wasn’t always willing to realize the importance + the joy associated with singleness – I would have saved myself a lot of time, energy, and heartbreak if I had. But just like everything else, I know God uses everything to work together for our good, and I’m grateful that recent relationships have shown me just how valuable + enjoyable this time of being single is, and what I can learn through it.

I’VE LEARNED ABOUT WHAT I WANT OUT OF LIFE

Please tell me I’m not the only adult that still doesn’t know what they want to be when they grow up? lol Whenever I was in a relationship, I found I was focused on settling down and having kids (which is still something that I want!) that I never took a step back to look at myself and think: what are my goals? What are my skills? What are the things that make me, me? And how can those things be used to make this world a better place? This is why I’ve come to love all the time I can put into exercising – it helps me clear my mind and contemplate life.

The truth is, I’m in my mid-twenties. I’m still in a very transitory phase of my life. There are so many different directions I could take myself, and I realized I owe it to myself to realize what I want to do and where I want to go while I’m at a point of my life when I can. Someday when I’m married and have kids, I know I’m not going to be able to just up and change everything about my life – so for now, I take advantage of letting God lead me wherever I feel like He’s calling me. I’m long overdue for a period of time where I can be “selfish” with my time + my plans for my life! I figure if I can discover + be obedient in the path God is leading me down while I’m single, whoever’s supposed to be by my side during it will automatically click rather than trying to force something to fit on my own.

I’VE SOLIDIFIED MY SELF-WORTH

This one is very important to me because knowing my self-worth is what’s going to keep me from settling down the road. With each relationship, I’ve learned about what qualities I like in a partner and what I don’t – but being single has challenged me to evaluate the qualities I do and don’t like about myself. And as I take the time to learn about myself, what I have to offer, and find the strength to change the things I might not admire so much, the more I realize how vital it is to be in a relationship who can truly value and complement those things about me (not to be confused with compliment, although I enjoy compliments too).

Looking back, I realize if I hadn’t used my previous seasons of singleness to determine my worth, I’m convinced that there are relationships that would have used and (emotionally) abused me for too long. By finding my self worth, I knew when certain relationships weren’t serving me anymore and when to put an end to them.

I’VE BEEN MORE IN TUNE WITH THE LORD

I’ve made a realization recently that I’m honestly just so happy that I’m at a season of my life where it’s me and God. Not only do I feel so overwhelmed with gratitude for this time to get to know Him more, to grow our relationship, and pursue what I feel Him calling me to do, but because of this deeper connection I’ve had with Him, I can feel confident that the man I’m supposed to be with is coming and there’s no need to rush or feel anxious. By following + keeping my eyes on Him, I just know I have so many incredible things that need my attention right now – and that while I focus on the tasks He’s given me, He’ll take care of the rest.

I know that the next relationship I have will be with a Godly man instead of a Christian boy. If I’m being completely transparent, I’m so exhausted of relationships that are always so focused on the people within it instead of the God that’s at the center of it – I’ve realized not much growing happens in those kinds of relationships, and if I’m not growing personally or spiritually, it’s not the relationship for me.

I have nothing against relationships, at all. I’m just in a phase of my life where I’ve grown exhausted trying to fit into relationships that weren’t made for me – I’m at peace being me, growing with God, and waiting for the right one to come around. I’ve realized that when the Godly man I’m supposed to be with comes around, our relationship won’t feel like a distraction from God like relationships in the past. I look forward to being with someone who pushes me to grow with God every day. I look forward to someone who values everything I have to offer – gifts, quirks, flaws and all. I look forward to being with someone who acknowledges and respects my aspirations + independence. But for right now, I enjoy dating + getting to know myself. God is growing me a lot right now – to prepare me for the life He needs me to lead, to make me the wife I hope to be someday. I will continue to be glad during this season of singleness.

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