bachelor live blog: colton, episode 1

I can’t remember the last time I watched The Bachelor, but I gotta be honest, I need to know why this guy hops over a fence!!! I have to admit, my Bachelor live blogging is a lot better when I’ve had a few glasses of wine, but unfortunately I do not have that tonight – but maybe in later blogs if this impromptu series holds lol

I lot of people are already familiar with Colton since he was on the previous season, but since I didn’t watch, I’m coming in with fresh eyes. The only thing I know about him is that he’s a virgin, which I have a lot of respect for. The Bachelor always makes me a little nervous watching 20+ girls get into it with each other all the time, but it’s half the fun.

So, enjoy my Bachelor thoughts!

Okay, Cassie’s adorable and super sweet.

Hannah (from here on out known as Miss Alabama) cute as heck but you lose a couple points for being a Bama fan so… :/ #boomersooner

Demi be like: “Hi Colton, my home visit is going to a federal prison, hope that’s ok lol.”

Honestly what is with 22-23 year olds being on here? I feel like you have a lot more options than resorting to a TV show for your love life in your early twenties.

Okay just kidding I should have applied to be on this season, hellooooo Colton.

*getting tired of not actually watching the actual show, I don’t care about these watch parties anymore???*

Okay really, a PROPOSAL. This is so irrelevant!!! *writes strongly worded letter to ABC*

“Where we’re watching live” WHAT IS THERE TO WATCH, CHRIS HARRISON.

Oh okay wait it’s finally starting.

all the girls: *only focuses on his looks and his virginity*

Colton’s face trying to figure out what Nicole was saying = priceless

Cassie’s my favorite by far. Miss Alabama’s a close second.

Truly, I feel so bad for him. These virginity jokes are so painful and so classless to me. Just let the man live his life!!!! Also, keep it in your pants ladiezzz.

SLOTH. This girl is my spirit animal. WHO IS SHE. Sorry Cassie, you might be my new runner up now.

The beauty queens are gonna get in a fight I can tell.

“Friendly competition” – does that phrase mean anything in girl world when men are involved? Oh honey.

@ Bri: How long is the fake accent really going to stick tho?

I would be a combination of the girl rolling up in the sloth costume and the girl that can only talk about her dog.



Oh, we’re back to his virginity again. LADIES PLS.

I’m not a fan of McNutt or Miss North Carolina so far, they are both going to be very problematic for me. Also, Miss Alabama > Miss North Carolina

THE SLOTH IN THE TREE. This girl is really giving me life!!!

“I want her to rip that mask off and be a fierce ass bitch” – SO MANY GOOD ONE LINERS.

Catherine… the next Corrine, I’m convinced. Like is there really a chance Colton’s keeping her? Of course he will. The show needs the classic psycho. #keepinitreal… oh wait, OH NO. SHE’S STEALING HIM A 4TH TIME!!!! I AM SCREAMING. She is unreal!

My girl Cassie being all cute with the sign language!!!

I relate with Miss Alabama on a spiritual level because I’m convinced I would not survive on this show because I am not forward enough lol She seems so sweet.

Spoiler alert: none of my top picks got the first impression rose and I’m bitter.

Spoiler alert #2: sloth girl did not get a rose. I don’t know who’s more heart broken, me or her.

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