the distortion of love

before I get started with this post, I’m not claiming to be a professional when it comes to love – not even in the slightest. I’m just as human + just as flawed as the next person. but as I have listened to a particular song, more and more I have started to wonder what has happened to the concept of love + what it’s supposed to be.

related: an open letter to the broken spirit   |   the happiness mindset   |   becoming brave.

the song is wouldn’t be love by R I T U A L. when I first discovered this song, I had no issues with it (and although the lyrics have somewhat sparked a sadness in me, I still love the song). in fact, at the time I almost related to it… one of those situations where, “I’m sad so let me listen to song that are going to make me more sad!!!! yay!!!”

sorry, I felt the need to add those for some comedic effect lol

but as I started to come out of my rut and internalizing the lyrics, I was almost a little somber with the message it portrayed. I’m posting the song below so you can hear it for yourself if you haven’t already.

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the majority of the song is alright – about what you’d expect from a sad love song – it’s the chorus that, in my opinion, portrays a very broken, misconstrued idea of how love is “supposed” to be:

“it wouldn’t be love if it didn’t hurt nobody, if it didn’t cut so deep, if it didn’t leave you lonely – it wouldn’t be love.”

I get that this is intended to be a tragic song, either about a breakup or a major mistake in a relationship – but clearly the artists had to find a snippet of truth to what they were singing, and that listeners (myself included, at one point) can relate to – because we’ve all been burned by love at one point.

emotionally draining on-and-off relationships. being strung along to the point of complete discouragement. feeling disposable. torn down. used. suffocated. whatever the case may be, I think we’ve all felt battered and bruised. but to begin to internalize the fact that “this is just how love is” is saddening.

“this line of love and hate, let’s walk until we break – maybe that’s the sweetest part.”

I, too, used to be under this weird idea that sometimes love is pain, but somehow that’s what made it worth it, even though my self-worth was dwindling away with it. I was exhausted by putting so much emotion into a dead situation that I had no love to put into myself. I eventually got myself to realize that love shouldn’t be dragging you through the dirt and then kicking you while you’re down. a bit of a “duh” moment, but I believe there’s truth to when they say love is blind – you come to block out what you simply don’t want to see.

not everyone reading this may be religious, but I believe that this passage still holds a genuine example of how love should be.

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“love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. love never ends.

– 1 corinthians 13:4-8 –

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another line in the song says “who do we blame when perfection makes mistakes,” and that just leads me to my next point – love is not perfect, and to be under that impression that a real “love” story is never going to have a bump in the road is just a recipe for disaster. of course you + your significant other aren’t always going to be perfectly kind or patient, will never get irritated with each other, etc – but if overall you can (both) bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things to the best of your abilities, that’s true love.

it’s not feeling wounded, cut down, or lonely because of false hope, being treated like a convenience, like an option, like something to control. and I feel like it’s important to talk about this today because even in my handful of relationships, trust can be easily broken + it’s become so easy to disappear when times get hard. it seems like more and more love (or what we perceive to be love) becomes something that’s disposable and doesn’t need to be worked for.

truthfully, I see that the enemy tries to distort love because he knows that it’s a powerful thing in which we are supposed to grow stronger together. instead, it’s become something to be afraid of because we expect it to fail, we expect love to be pain – we see it as weakness (another lyric: “who knew the strongest feeling could be the weakest part of you”). in turn, it starts to damage our trust in other people, and for some of us, our trust in God as a reflection of the hurt we’ve felt.

love may not always be perfect, but it should always be worth it.

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